something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
