Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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