put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
