I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
