Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
