i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
