My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
