just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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