you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
