i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
