I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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