Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
