I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
