You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i dont even know how to be here
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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