garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
