does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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