someone get that fucking seahorse.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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