I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
