Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
