I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
