You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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