It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
