My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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