Soap is not a condiment
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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