i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he shaved USA in his pubs
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
whose parrot is this?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
