Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
