oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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