Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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