Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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