when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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