It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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