I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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