After last night, I could never be a politician.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
