I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
