I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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