That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The adults are the big ones right?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
