I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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