also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
