just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
