uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
don't judge my taste in strippers
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
