You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
