I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
