I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A bitchslap is in order.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
