i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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