highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
