how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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