The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
