That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
