Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sober January is a disaster.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
