a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
please come you make the beer taste better
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
