You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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