my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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