i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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