just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
