i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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