I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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