Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Shame is for Republicans.
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