Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
