Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
